It's one in the morning, so forgive me if I'm a little dramatic. We all have nights like this- I'm just a crazy person who chooses to share hers with the world.
Anyway, I'm in one of those weird moods where everything's deep and meaningful etc etc, and suddenly, it hit me how much I want to create things. Mainly art, but it's a bigger urge than I've ever experienced before. I've had the urge to travel, the urge to help other people, the urge to simply enjoy myself, but even those have never been as strong as this is now.
I just want to make things. I want to paint everything I see- paper, canvas, walls, ceilings, even my skin. I've always been drawn to tattoos, but never been drawn to them on myself, because as much as I'd like to turn my own body into art pieces, I'd very quickly run out of room. So I want to give body art a try.
Also, my walls- I've painted walls before, and I currently have two, massive, plain wardrobe doors sat right in front of me. I'm going to paint them. I don't know why it's suddenly come over me, but all I want to do is create things and share them with the world.
I'm hoping that the strength of the urge will die down a bit soon, otherwise it'll start to become a problem. Work, for example: it seems far off, but it's not long until I pick my GCSEs, which determine what college I can get into to do A Levels, which determine what university I'll get into to get what degree, to determine what job I'll be doing for the rest of my life.
Growing up, most people changed their 'future dream job' all the time, right? I was no exception, but I don't think I've ever dreamed of a job that doesn't take a more creative path. Which seems fine, when you read it, but I'm also very academic. I have a whole list of people, including my family and myself, who'd never forgive me if I gave up a maths degree for a fine art degree, or photography degree, and it ended up not working out. I could have a completely secure future- good job, good income, etc- or I could to what I want to do and risk throwing away everything I have.
For me personally, the first option seems a lot more appealing, but I don't know if I'd be able to live with a non-creative job without literally going insane, which is why I'm hoping it calms down. I'll have to look into body art, but I'm going to paint my wardrobe, and try to set aside more time for creative things. If I think about it properly, I've felt like this for a long time, but I'm trying to convince myself that it's just because my sketchbook is hidden in a box somewhere while I redecorate my room, so it's like art withdrawal or something like that, as opposed to this being what I actually feel like for the rest of my life.
God knows what I'm on about, but it's out there now. Sorry if I sound insane.
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